Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I have peed in a lot of sinks
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
