Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
