It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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