So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
