You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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