I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Moan for me like Helen Keller
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
it's great music for shaving your balls
So many bounce houses so little time
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
