were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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