$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
