Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
