I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
