Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
