I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
