apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
