So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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