Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
