Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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