I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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