nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
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