His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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