it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize