There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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