Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
