You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
