Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
