Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
