last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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