When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize