I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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