I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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