matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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