my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
