Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
