We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
