Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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