What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
