as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
