Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think my moral compass just broke
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
