I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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