Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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