You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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