I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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