I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
