I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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