last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
