I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
