I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
