i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
