There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
