I smell stomach acid.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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