Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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