dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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