He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
