Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She's the barista slut.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
How external is "for external use only"?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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