i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
