I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
