I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
