hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
