I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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