That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
