yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
