i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
