ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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