How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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