yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
