This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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