My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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