Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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