Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Everyone says I win the strip club
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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