i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
