Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
