No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
