I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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