so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
