I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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