apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
